On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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