Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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