people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize