OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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