i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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