end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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