Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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