the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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