I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize