70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize