hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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