Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
