question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
