lets start a swedish sibling band together
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
