we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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