I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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