My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
