His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
