is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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