it was like his penis was on wheels.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
