someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize