I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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