THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
