one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
