he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have post one night stand depression
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