Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize