defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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