You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
