Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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