There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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