the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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