Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
