This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
