I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
