Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
