I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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