dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize