ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
