doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
