I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize