My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
