It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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