Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
