i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize