plz talk dirty to me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He felt like a one man threesome
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
