i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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