So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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