p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
