my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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