An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
