He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize