Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
