Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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