Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You were trust falling into bushes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
