My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
