A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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