you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
