Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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