Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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