I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
