You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
