How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
