If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
