Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
