Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
