But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
