CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
