remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
