literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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