Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
