my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
