he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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