Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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