I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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