My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
