If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
