He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
