I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
