I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
