I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
