You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
