Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
