i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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