D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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