Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
