Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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