my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
