Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
