Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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