seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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