Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's blow job season.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
