sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A+ Viking dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
