Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
