If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize