Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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