Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
