You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
