Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
