Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize