my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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