4 words: hood of his car
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
